Reasons Behind Feelings by: Blessie Duque

Why can't we let go of that somebody and of the feelings that we have for that person? When we already know that it's time to move on and set ourselves free. What's holding us back from continuing our journey? There are other roads to take and other doors to open. But why do we keep ourselves contained in the same situation? When we already know that the same situation just keeps spinning in circles. When it seems like there is no end to all the things that we go thru, and yet we hang on until our patience run out, until we have shed the last tear drop, until every fiber of our being can no longer sustain all emotions.
Why can't we let go?

Good memorable moments for us are worth keeping. That is why we obsess over the thought or the situation, making it very difficult for us to move on. So we stay attached, mentally and emotionally, sometimes even sexually. We think that if we hold on to that special someone (who we think is special at that moment), that there would be a chance for things to change. And of course we always think that things would change for the better. For that matter, we give that "somebody" so many chances, we give ourselves reasons or should I say "excuses" not to end the so called "relationship". In the end, we find ourselves hurting and crying. We find out that we are just fooling ourselves, that no matter how long we stay in that relationship or situation and how much we give, NOTHING will change for the better. Rather, things change for the worse.

So why stay? Why can't we let go?

Some people stay in relationships feeling obligated to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend. They get scared of breaking up because they think that no one else will love them and accept them for who they are. Or maybe they think that they would not find anybody better than their bf or gf, This is even after they realize that the feelings that they have had already faded away. Some would feel like they "owe" that other person so much because of the good intentions that that individual showed to them. And because of this train of thought, those people feel compelled to be in a situation that they don't want to be in. So they get stuck and would later on complain that they want out but they don't have the guts to break lose. This is not the feeling of love or being in love, it's the feeling of being secure with the other person. Because being secure means no more pretenses, no need for facades, no need for mind games, just acceptance of all that's good and bad about someone. It is true though... why would you let go of somebody who loves you very much and who accepts you for who you are? It's hard isn't it?

But the real question is... "Are you happy?" and "do you still love this person?" If the answer is yes... then there should be no doubt in your mind that this person is the one for you. That thru thick and thin, you will be willing to go thru hell and back with him or her. But if there is doubt..... be fair, to yourself and to that individual.

You are the only person who knows what is right... you know how you really feel.
On some occasions, people are drawn together because of physical attraction and sex.
These are the people who get together NOT because they trust, love and understanding each other but they bond together because they act upon their needs and desires.
Some of us might ask: "Does it ever go beyond the physical or sexual phase?"
Whether we dare to admit it or not, if two people spend enough time together, often times feelings get developed. It may not be as strong as falling in love but the attachment and passion is still there.

When feelings grow, there may be times where one feels more than the other, that person might get emotionally attached without wanting those feelings in purpose.
And in order for things not to get spoiled, that person would usually try to control how he/she feels especially if he/she does not have a clear understanding of where he/she stands in the other person's life.

People who are in this kind of predicament typically put their guard up in fear of rejection; in fear that the other person would not feel the way they do; or in fear that if they reveal their real intentions and feelings, the other person might lose interest. .

So they get content just staying in that situation without having any emotional involvement, with no strings attached and no obligations. But deep inside they hurt, they cry, they wonder.

On the other hand, they remain involved maybe because they hope that they would end up having an intimate and meaningful relationship with their partner (dream on!)
Some may be so infatuated with the other person that they would mistakenly consider how they feel as being "in love". They get so blinded by each moment they spend time with that someone because it makes them feel good and wanted even for just that instant. In the bottom of their hearts, they long for that person to care for them the way they do.

The truth is ... nothing will change the way that other person feels for them. It will be no more than just a physical attraction, an enjoy-for-the-moment kind of situation. It sucks doesn't it? But that is reality. You could never make someone like you, care for you or love you. You could only give so much but in the end if that other person still doesn't see you as someone they could spend real time with, you have to learn how to cut him/her lose because you will end up just playing the role of a "meantime" boyfriend or girlfriend, no more no less.

In every relationship, once it ends, it always leaves someone feel a sense of longing and emptiness. It is worst when things are left unsaid and unfinished. So people tend to hang on to the good memories they had with the other person And they end up wondering and questioning themselves of what they have done wrong or "why this, why that", "what if...", or "how if". Typical for a broken-hearted individual but how could he or she help it? It's like having someone read you a story without telling you the ending of it.

Would you not wonder about what have had happened or how it ended?

It's the same thing when someone leaves you for no reason. You tend to "think too much"; you try to look for justification for that person's actions. It's mind-boggling when all these questions are running in your head and all you have for answers are merely speculations. You keep hoping that if only you could talk to that person one more time, you might be able to get some answers and have a peace of mind once and for all (but once you do get the answer, most of the time it's not something you would want to hear)

So the more you think, the harder it gets to make a new start for yourself; the harder it is to accept the fact that what you have with that someone is over; therefore, you tend to hold on to your misery longer than you ought to.
So what is there to do?

All advises from family and friends could be helpful in times of heartache. It doesn't cure the hurt and pain but at least it eases it a little
Along the way, you will find yourself having more strength to go thru the day For a lot of people, the company of friends or even just acquaintances is the best way to keep their sanity in tact.

Whichever manner you try in order for you to get by is all up to you because despite all the advises everyone tells you, "Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.." (this is a quote I read somewhere)
Reasons of the heart sometimes can never be explained
We do what we feel because we know what makes us happy.

Even if it means taking the chance of getting hurt over and over. We tolerate pain, we endure heartbreaks, we hold on to instances that need letting go, we sacrifice, and we take risks notwithstanding the consequences of our actions. As we all know, life is full of uncertainties. And we, as human beings are always scared of the unknown.

So we hold back from doing what we think is right because it means that we have to get out of our comfort zone. It puts the fear inside us because we are dependent on the feelings we have for that someone. We forget how it is to live without them because we are so used to them being around us. We become inconsiderate of our own feelings that we sometimes fail to remember that things just don't work out the way we want them to...no matter how hard we try.

We should know by now that patience has its limits and love also dies, and sometimes the only thing that's left is learning how to let go! Letting go is not the end of everything, some say it is the beginning of a new journey. For me, it just means that we have the will & power to pick up the pieces and the courage to say goodbye.